I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
