Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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