he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
