So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize