Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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