Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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