just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
