he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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