I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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