I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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