you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
