I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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