i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My bed smells like the plague
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
