my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
