he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
