I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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