I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
