I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
