The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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