Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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