i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
