we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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