yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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