brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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