So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
