At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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