Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
