when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Randomize
