Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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