I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
