The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
