I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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