My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
