i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
