dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
