How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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