Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
