in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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