You smell like stripper and shame
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
