fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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