The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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