He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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