There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
