I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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