Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
