i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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