I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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