new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
