I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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