at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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