im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
