if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
