Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
