my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
