I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
