I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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