pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
