You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
