Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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