I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
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I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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