I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
