so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
