I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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