Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
