Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
