Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
