Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
