I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
