Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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