Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize