Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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