i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
