is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
