My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
