I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
