Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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