I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
