Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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