i already hear my dad disowning me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
