I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
