It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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