Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
