yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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