I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he just fucked me for my cheese.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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